By Michael Green
Following the success of his best-seller, The Art of Coarse Rugby, newspaperman, Michael Green, turned his ironic gaze to sailing and produced a timeless classic of humour in the vein of Three Men in a Boat.
He used a DIY sundial – two nails hammered into the deck – to cross the then Zuider Zee in Holland, grounded on the Isle of Wight while steering for France, and peppered the Norfolk Broads with hangover-induced groundings, collisions, and fires.
His self-styled Beaufort Scale gives you a taste of his comic genius:
‘1. Light air, Coarse yachtsman hoist sail, the wind instantly drops. 2-3. Wet fingers feel cold. 4. Moderate Breeze, Coarse boats lose mainsheet through block and have to go aground to recover it. 5. Beer froth blows off….’
Genuinely made me laugh, but also blush as I recognised my own calamities.
As always, The Art of Course Sailing is available on Amazon.